5 ways england got it wrong

Gutted. Last year's home win wasn't a fluke - England deserved it - but reality has hit us like a big wet haddock across the chops.

Those gimlet-eyed old bushmen have given us a right good thumping - and there's no excuses.

Freddie was keen to defend his players but, frankly, when the challenge was at its highest, they were feeble.

The first day at Brisbane, the last day at Adelaide, the second day in Perth.... they went at it with all the vigour of a bunch of shivering schoolgirls at an outdoor pool.

Strauss reckons there's not much between the two sides. When the two teams are in their dressing-rooms, the gap is around five yards. But when play starts, the margin looks wider then a Steve Harmison loosener.

The Aussies were angry - almost as pumped up as Kevin Pietersen. Ponting and Hussey have been impossibly good and Warney has worked his wonders.

Aggers has been complaining about Warner’s pressurising of the umps, but I disagree. He's an entertainer, a winner, and if he was on my team he could dress in spandex and sing Sherbert's Howzat after every delivery.

But England helped the Aussies by getting it wrong in so many ways:

1)Selection. This thing of selecting players ‘cos they might make a few runs even though that's not their job. It doesn't make sense. I mean if you go to a restaurant and the chef's crap you'd go somewhere else. You wouldn't think hold on a minute the chef's a handy waiter when he's not cooking.

Pick the best - Read, and especially Monty. Maybe it’s the time of year but every time they cut to the squad players on the balcony I wanted to shout at Fletch ‘He’s behind you!’.

2) No practice. The players were simply not ready. The batting and bowling at Brizzy was utterly useless but then the boys had only been there five minutes. I presume Plunkett was there to drive the bus. Undercooked? Raw, more like.

3) The skipper. I thought Fred could handle it but he's better when he's doing everything but captaining the team. Apart from the meek surrender to Gilly's onslaught, which was the cricketing equivalent of hiding behind the sofa, I don't think he's done a bad job. It's just that the burden of it seems to have reduced him to a mere mortal.

4) Troy Cooley. Sounds like an outback superhero and turns out he is. We should have mortgaged Lords to keep him.

So what next? Two more Test matches. The Aussies will take their foot off the throat and let the corpse breathe again. We'll win one of the last two. Then we'll remember that Cook, Bell, KP, Freddie, Hoggy and Monty are damn good cricketers.

And in three years' time half this great Aussie team will be out to pasture. The Ashes aren't gone, they're on short-term loan.

we jus gave thm matches away even when we scored big first innings total

ana warne was to good for us on the 5th day

the tru fact waz we played lyk retards